Is housework a wife responsibility?
Aida says: Received this a few week back from my multiply clicks. Interesting. An eye-opening to old beliefs that a wife has to do EVERYTHING and a husband just go work earn salary full-stop. Seriously... i guess only those married with or without kids will understand.
here it goes:
The Prophet SAW would always help his wives in the household chores, cooking ,cleaning, and sewing.
Whereas some would say it is entirely up to the wife to do the household chores completely and the man to bring home the money... some would say that depends on the madhaab she follows, in hanafi it is her job yet it does not hurt for the man to help her out as the example of the Prophet SAW and if she was a shafi'i she has the right to have her own maid to come and clean and cook for her, as its not obligatory upon her to do so.
though you know we should all help out.... it's not an easy job to run a household and it takes time to get it organized and be responsible.one person cannot handle the household responsibilities alone, it takes two to make it work and keep it in its place.
there are times when the wives are sick, ill, and very tired due to some reasons, conditions and the husbands should realize this and help them around the house..but not expect their wives to still do the work even if it will kill them.... cuz that's what some do... sometimes they say the wrong thing as well... like after cleaning up everything, they find a smudge here and there and say there's a smudge here.. and you're like subhan'Allah say jazakuAllahkhairun for cleaning up that place...dont look at the thing missed but look at the things not missed..if you point out all the errors first the person will get upset but if you praise that first then say btw you missed it here and there etc it will most likely be better...
Allahu Alim
"The duties of a wife toward her husband, according to Islamic law, are well defined. They do not include doing any cleaning, ironing, cooking or any other household work. Marriage is a contractual relationship which allows a man and woman to fulfil their desire in a legitimate way. If a woman takes an undertaking which prevents her from meeting that responsibility, then her husband has the right to prevent that undertaking.
Someone may ask at this point: Who is then to do the housework? The answer is twofold: If we are speaking strictly from the points of view of rights and duties, it is not the duty of the woman to do the housework in her husband’s home. If he wants that work done, he has to see to it that it is done. Life is not all about rights and duties. There is much more in the marital relationship than duties and rights. There is what Islam terms “companionship based on goodwill”. It is under this heading that he duties and responsibilities of the family are divided between the husband and wife. When we ask for guidelines on this particular point, they are readily available.
At a certain stage, there was some disagreement between Fatimah, the Prophet’s daughter and her husband, Ali who was the Prophet’s cousin. They presented their case before him, requesting him to define their responsibilities for them. The Prophet (Pbuh) said to his daughter; “You do the work that must be done inside the home, and he does what needs to be done outside.” This division of the family work is both fair and practical.
"Source: Dividing Duties of Husband & Wife (http://www.islamicvoice.com/january.2000/women.htm)
Wife looking after hubby's familyAnswered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, UK
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
The wife’s responsibility is to obey her husband in everything permissible related to their marriage. The husband’s responsibility is to take care of her needs, support her and look after her in a proper manner.
Besides this, there is no obligatory religious duty on either of the spouses with regards to their parents in-laws. Both sets of parents should be respected and loved as elder family members, but one does not owe them any obligatory rights. At the same time, there are immense rewards for both husband and wife to take care of their respective in-laws and to assist them whenever possible, within reasonable bounds.
Visiting Parents
If the wife wishes to visit her parents or spend some time with them, she can do so with the permission of her husband. They are not obliged to seek permission from the husband’s parents. However, if they were informed in a polite and gentle manner, it may be better in some situations.
Also, the husband cannot prevent his wife from visiting her parents once a week. This is her legal right that she may see her parents once a week. (Haskafi, Durr al-Mukhtar, and confirmed by Ibn Abidin in Radd al-Muhtar, 2/1028).
No need to forgo one’s own parents
Finally, the wife does by any means need to forego her own parents. However, her main priority is her husband. She can take care of her parents, help them, assist them and at the same time serve her own children and husband.
Marriage is based on love and mercy
Note, however, that the way to deal with marital issues is not law but love and mercy:
when it comes down to law, with each sticking to millimeter measurements of their rights, marriages fail, because rarely does any love and affection remain with such legalism.
Allah Most High summed up the spirit of Islamic marriage for us: “And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He placed between you love and mercy. Lo! Herein indeed are portents for those who reflect.” [Qur’an, 30.21]
With love, even major differences become minor.
Aida says: Received this a few week back from my multiply clicks. Interesting. An eye-opening to old beliefs that a wife has to do EVERYTHING and a husband just go work earn salary full-stop. Seriously... i guess only those married with or without kids will understand.
here it goes:
The Prophet SAW would always help his wives in the household chores, cooking ,cleaning, and sewing.
Whereas some would say it is entirely up to the wife to do the household chores completely and the man to bring home the money... some would say that depends on the madhaab she follows, in hanafi it is her job yet it does not hurt for the man to help her out as the example of the Prophet SAW and if she was a shafi'i she has the right to have her own maid to come and clean and cook for her, as its not obligatory upon her to do so.
though you know we should all help out.... it's not an easy job to run a household and it takes time to get it organized and be responsible.one person cannot handle the household responsibilities alone, it takes two to make it work and keep it in its place.
there are times when the wives are sick, ill, and very tired due to some reasons, conditions and the husbands should realize this and help them around the house..but not expect their wives to still do the work even if it will kill them.... cuz that's what some do... sometimes they say the wrong thing as well... like after cleaning up everything, they find a smudge here and there and say there's a smudge here.. and you're like subhan'Allah say jazakuAllahkhairun for cleaning up that place...dont look at the thing missed but look at the things not missed..if you point out all the errors first the person will get upset but if you praise that first then say btw you missed it here and there etc it will most likely be better...
Allahu Alim
"The duties of a wife toward her husband, according to Islamic law, are well defined. They do not include doing any cleaning, ironing, cooking or any other household work. Marriage is a contractual relationship which allows a man and woman to fulfil their desire in a legitimate way. If a woman takes an undertaking which prevents her from meeting that responsibility, then her husband has the right to prevent that undertaking.
Someone may ask at this point: Who is then to do the housework? The answer is twofold: If we are speaking strictly from the points of view of rights and duties, it is not the duty of the woman to do the housework in her husband’s home. If he wants that work done, he has to see to it that it is done. Life is not all about rights and duties. There is much more in the marital relationship than duties and rights. There is what Islam terms “companionship based on goodwill”. It is under this heading that he duties and responsibilities of the family are divided between the husband and wife. When we ask for guidelines on this particular point, they are readily available.
At a certain stage, there was some disagreement between Fatimah, the Prophet’s daughter and her husband, Ali who was the Prophet’s cousin. They presented their case before him, requesting him to define their responsibilities for them. The Prophet (Pbuh) said to his daughter; “You do the work that must be done inside the home, and he does what needs to be done outside.” This division of the family work is both fair and practical.
"Source: Dividing Duties of Husband & Wife (http://www.islamicvoice.com/january.2000/women.htm)
Wife looking after hubby's familyAnswered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, UK
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
The wife’s responsibility is to obey her husband in everything permissible related to their marriage. The husband’s responsibility is to take care of her needs, support her and look after her in a proper manner.
Besides this, there is no obligatory religious duty on either of the spouses with regards to their parents in-laws. Both sets of parents should be respected and loved as elder family members, but one does not owe them any obligatory rights. At the same time, there are immense rewards for both husband and wife to take care of their respective in-laws and to assist them whenever possible, within reasonable bounds.
Visiting Parents
If the wife wishes to visit her parents or spend some time with them, she can do so with the permission of her husband. They are not obliged to seek permission from the husband’s parents. However, if they were informed in a polite and gentle manner, it may be better in some situations.
Also, the husband cannot prevent his wife from visiting her parents once a week. This is her legal right that she may see her parents once a week. (Haskafi, Durr al-Mukhtar, and confirmed by Ibn Abidin in Radd al-Muhtar, 2/1028).
No need to forgo one’s own parents
Finally, the wife does by any means need to forego her own parents. However, her main priority is her husband. She can take care of her parents, help them, assist them and at the same time serve her own children and husband.
Marriage is based on love and mercy
Note, however, that the way to deal with marital issues is not law but love and mercy:
when it comes down to law, with each sticking to millimeter measurements of their rights, marriages fail, because rarely does any love and affection remain with such legalism.
Allah Most High summed up the spirit of Islamic marriage for us: “And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He placed between you love and mercy. Lo! Herein indeed are portents for those who reflect.” [Qur’an, 30.21]
With love, even major differences become minor.
Labels: family issues
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