Here she comes...

Continuation. I slept soundly, while holding hubby's arm. I told him I was worried sick about so many issues: my son, my life and baby's. I even thought of writing him a letter to tell him how I really feel about going thru' this 2nd operation, saying if I were to NOT SURVIVE... please look after our kids and get a good step mum for them and don't forget my parents who loves them so much.... _---the rest is history---_.

Weird isn't it. Here I was supporting another friend to be strong while me, myself weakening in a corner. The thoughts and flashback of the previous delivery kept haunting me.

Ok ok. So I woke up at 6am to eat my last meal - a bread and milk. I slept again. Hubby woke me up at 8.30am where I got bathed slowly and got dressed. I thought of putting on make-up but decided not to. Too lazy to wash it off later. By 9.15am, my son was eyeing me. He gave me that sad face and my heart dropped a zillion meters down the ground. I made hubby took a picture of us before he went to fetch the car. We borrowed my brother's car.

While waiting, I hugged and cuddled my son. He held me tight and I was closed to tears when I left him, crying. I even kissed and seeked forgiveness from my mom. On the way to Gleneagles Hospital, I kept my mind free from anything and started to say my prayers.

I checked in by 10am, all smiling and holding my hubby's hand. I even took picture with my hubby and the guy who showed us the ward room gave me a crazy look. Oh whatever, I wasn't in labour and you expected me to be wailing in pain?

I commented to the nurse that I would like to change my bed when I realised I got one next to the toilet. I choose the 2 bedded room coz I am scare to sleep alone in the single bed room. The nurse told me she would try find me a window view bed. *smile*.

I was made to change into their greyish blue gown and sat crossed-leg on the bed while the nurse started to tick and tick and made me signed various forms. I told the nurse I would be going to another ward to see a friend who just gave birth yesterday. She was nice, she gave me a kimono to wear and off I went, searching for the ward 505.

It was OrangeDior's room, a single bed room, very cosy and hotelish, except for the bed factor (she said so). It was my first time to see her and I was glad she looked fine after the dreadful delivery - Caesarean. Her baby boy is so cute and cuddly. We talked about the delivery and the baby. She was lucky to choose the Caesarean in order to save her son (his umbilical cord was around the neck), even though she was reluctant to do it at first. Again, I took picture with her son.

Then I accompanied hubby to eat lunch at the expensive not tasty foodcourt. Of course, I didn't eat and just watch him. Soon the nurse was looking for me and we went back. My bloodpressure and baby's heart was checked and my butt was injected again for me to shit. And shit I did after holding it for less than 5 minutes.

Hubby went to settle the parking coupon and while waiting, I started to unpack my things. Then I sat on the bed and wait. I called my dad and we talked. I told him I love him. The nurse came again and informed us that I would be transfered to the window-view ward after the operation. It happened to be the same one I stayed when I gave birth to my son last year. Ward 646.

I told hubby again, I was scared but never mentioned the 'what if' part. I begun to recite some more prayers. Then another nurse came. She told me to pee for the last time. I went to pee and before entering the toilet, I saw the old man with a moving-going-to-operate bed. Sigh.

The nurse and the old man told me to slowly transfer myself to the MGTO bed. He asked me if this was my first one. I told him no, my second. He told me to pray non-stop and think of Allah always. I held hubby hands and whispered I love you to him. He then was asked to push the baby's bed.

This time round, I was ready for the operation, unlike the first one where I screamed and cried all the way to the operation ward. Soon I was at the operation ward, parked one corner. It was like a waiting for the last flight out to nowhere. I felt empty and flashback of my mom, dad, son....went through my mind.

Here's the Delivery Part...

I was pushed into the Operation Theatre and saw the familiar 3 lights. I heard music at the background and believe it or not, the guys inside were twirling and dancing to the song. I was transfered to the operating bed and lay there with an even emptier heart.

My gynae's nurse came to wish me luck. She held my hand and said everything would be fine. Then my anaesthetist came to take a look at my left hand. We even shared a joke or two before he poked me and set me up with the drip. I saw my gynae last and she told me 'Don't worry, everything will be over soon.'. This time round, I didn't count to 3. I just said my last prayer and be gone.

I woke up with a 'ngilu' feeling at my stomach/wound. I kept going on 'argh pain pain pain!' and this old midwives nagged at me back "know how to make baby but cannot tahan the pain!' Instantly I opened my eyes and looked for the ****er. I think she got embarrassed and quickly walked away.

I was wheeled out and saw my hubby. I asked him how our baby girl. He said, "she's pretty like me but a bit small than Abdurrahman." I was transferred to my bed and I demanded hubby to bring the baby in. We waited for an hour and still no baby. Hubby left me to bury the placenta at the Mosque.

Another hour passed. I didn't sleep. I kept looking at the clock. 'where's my baby?' I kept asking myself. I rang for the nurse and begged her to bring in my babygirl. Here's the conversation between me and her.
Nurse: your baby is not ready yet. they need time to clean and check her.
Me: I've asked 2 hours ago. how long more are they taking to clean and check my baby? I have not see her yet. Please let me see her.
Nurse: You mean, you haven't see her yet after your operation? Since what time?
Me: My operation was at 1pm. My first baby, I saw him straight after my operation. This time...

She went back to nursery and checked again. She returned with my baby girl. I was glad she was all fine, ten fingers, ten toes. She was sleeping and reddish. I had wanted to hold her in my arms but I couldn't. The nurse placed her beside me on my bed. I only got to stroke her face and hair.

Afterwards...

I was glad that I woke up from the surgery alive and kicking with pain and dull energy to get well fast. I was even more glad that my daughter was fine and breathing.

So after four days of thinking what we should name her, hubby had decided on this. We would like to present our newborn babygirl, Siti Darwisyah binte Fadli, into our family. Not even 2 years of marriage, we already have 2 joy of bundles. I am so blessed.

I would like to thank those who came to visit me such as my family, mil and maklang, charles (who bought me a kinky small pink pillow), Ita and boy and Orangedior & family (why didn't wake me up?=)). It was nice to have some accompany and nicer to be able to rest and sleep in peace.

Another thank you shout out to all the nice nurses and midwives at Gleneagles at ward level 6.

It was a blessing to have my hubby all to myself for those 4 days. I truly felt like a queen.